Silver Part I

Things have been running in my head now for days and decided to share them with no one else but you. I am actually pissed with the people around me, so I've decided to talk to my best bud - writing. 

Since a few days from now, I'm going to be 1/4 century old, too old for childish stuffs but too young to rush life, so I'll be writing about 25 things...Things that I have learned in life...

1. No one could help you but yourself, yet there are people in your life you cannot live without.
2. If there are people you cannot live without, there are also people whom you wish you haven't met.
3. You should not wait for the right time to fulfill your dreams. Everyday is the day to start fulfilling it. One step at a time.
4. Sometimes, the people who made you realize your dreams are the same people who will tear them down.
5. No one would appreciate you best but yourself. Believe in what you can do.
6. Keeping your feet on the ground is not the best thing to do but flying high above it. The secret to humility is realizing that you don't step unto anyone while you're on your way to the top.
7. People are never contented, and so you are. Don't worry, you're just being human.
8. Happiness is not the goal of all people but acceptance.
9. Not all people who quotes a lot of sayings and theories are smart ones. Life is more than what you read in those books. It's a lot more than those theories.
10. There's nothing wrong in making mistakes and admitting it. Crying in front of people will let you lose nothing but pride.
11. People may say things against you without you knowing it. Smile, they've been talking about you because you have something they don't and they are bothered by it. See how influential you are? 
12.  Everything is a choice. If you live it to destiny, that's your choice.
13. When you keep hatred against anyone, you hurt no one but yourself. Forgiveness is the only way to freedom.
14. It is easy to solve other people's problems and make them happy again but when it comes to your own, it is a lot tougher than you could have imagined.
15. Everyone has a story to tell but nobody is there to listen.
16. If someone would tell you s/he'll be always there for you, that's because s/he always wants you to be there as well. S/He is afraid to be alone.
17. Your friends could be like a family but your family will never be like your friends. They will always be your family.
18. Living is simple, surviving is not.
19. You should know others better than they know themselves and you should know yourself better than others know you.
20. The weather could be so unpredictable, just like you.
21. You could always stay in a persons life until s/he wants you to.
22. You can fake it as long as you can. You are not fooling anyone but yourself.
23. The greatest monster around that could kill everyone around is the green-eyed one. Be careful, you could have it.
24. Two letters added in words could give you a whole entire thing. Like adding the letters D and E to the word mentor.
25. People share what they have learned for only tow reasons: they don't want their heads puffed up or they just wanted to tell you how stupid you are.

While writing these things, I have learned that there are things that are yet for me to learn. It doesn't matter how great your learnings are as long as you learn.

Asyumero't Asyumera!

Plain and simple lang naman kasia ang usapan. Kung ayaw mo sa tao wag mong ientertain. Wag mong hayaang mag-invest pa sya ng time sa'yo at mabigyan pa ng dahilan para lalo ka nyang magustuhan. It's not the other person's fault na mag-assume. Gusto ka nya eh, kaya bawat gawin at sabihin mo sa kanya matters. Even the time and attention you give that person, lalo na yun kasi yun ang gusto nya. Dahil even the slightest and shallowest thing you do affects the other person bigtime. Kasi nga gusto ka nya at ang gusto nya ay mapansin mo din sya. Kahit sa napakaliit na pag-asang nakikita nya, panghahawakan nya yun. Until finally, masasaktan lang pala sya sa huli.

So kung alam mong gusto ka ng tao at wala ka namang planong gustuhin sya, tama na. Wag mo syang pahirapang kalimutan ka kasi malalim na ang bangin na nahukay nya.

Kaya wag mong sisihin ang mga taong asyumero't asyumera. Maybe they have reasons na yung taong gusto mismo nila ang may kasalanan.

emosyon

Sa isang manunulat, hindi nya maaring pigilan ang daliri kung ito'y aligaga at gustong maglahad ng isang bagay o mga bagay bagay na dinidikta ng kanyang kokote. Katulad na lamang ngayon, may mga bagay akong gustong sabihin sa sarili ko kaya ako nagsususlat. Yun ang isang panuntunan ko sa pagsulat. Hindi ako maaring magsulat ng isang bahay na ako mismo ay hindi naantig. Nararapat lamang na ako ang unang-unang makaramdam ng bawat titik, ng bawat salita, ng bawat parirala, ng bawat pangungusap, ng bawat talatang bubuuin ko.

Gusto kong ipaalala sa sarili ko kung nasan ako. Gusto kong ipaalala sa sarili ko na mas marunong akong magdala ng isang bagay ngayon kaysa noon. Hindi ko sinasabing mas magaling ako kanino pa man, nais ko lamang ipaalala sa sarili ko kung ano yung tama at nararapat gawin. Mahirap madala ng emosyon. Kapag natangay ka nito, hindi mo na alam kung saan ka mapapadpad at kapag nalugmok ka, mahihirapan ka nang bumawi. Walang masamang maging masaya. Oo, masaya ako. Ngayon ko na lang nakita yung sarili ko na ngumiti ng ganito kaya gusto kong ingatan itong kaligayahang ito.

Pagod na akong maging malungkot. Pagod na akong maghintay. Pagod na pagod na ako. Gusto kong magpahinga, ngumiti at maging masaya. Hindi naman siguro kasalanan kung bibigyan ko ang sarili ko ng pagkakataon. Ginawa ko ang lahat. Hanggang sa kadulo-duluhan sinubukan kong humawak. Pero wala na akong makapitan. Wala na akong makitang dahilan. Napapagod na akong lumaban mag-isa.

Hindi ko man alam kung ano ang naghihintay para sa akin bukas, isang bagay lang ang tinitiyak ko, mabubuhay ako ng hindi iniisip kung ano na ang mangyayari sa susunod na bukas. Gusto kong namnamin ang bawat pagkakataon na gumigising ako, malakas at may opurtunidad na maging mas mainam kaysa sa nakaraang araw. Mahirap paikutin ang buhay sa isang tao o bagay, dahil pag nawala ito ay kasama kang maglalaho na parang bula. Parati mong tatandaan na mas madaming dahilan para maging masaya. Hindi ngayon ang araw para malungkot. Panahon na upang lumaya ka.

straight answers please

Can I hate you?
Cause I hate myself even more.
Why can't I just stop?
Cause I know you'll come back for more.
How do you want me?
Cause I have put my best foot forward.
What do you expect me to do?
Cause there's nothing for me to hold on to.
Who are you gonna be?
Cause I am just me.
When will you be free?
Cause nobody can ever save you.

gaymunication

gaymunication

(pang) paraan ng pagpapalitan ng kuru-kuro at saloobin ng mga may sariling mundo at wika na pangkaraniwang tinatawag na nabibilang sa ikatlong pangkat - mga babaeng gusto ay pechay at lalakeng gusto ng saging.

Kung may Genderlect Styles si Deborah Tannen na nagsasabing iba ang paraan ng pakikipagugnayan ng babae sa lalaki, ako ay naniniwalang may Gaymunication. Ito ang kaibahan ng pakikipag-ugnayan ng mga bakla at lesbyana sa mga babae at lalake. (I don’t want to coin the term tunay na babae and tunay na lalake just to give emphasis on straight individuals. Being gays and lesbians do not make them fake man or woman. In fact, I’d rather consider them more genuine since they know what they want and accept who they really are. Admitting such does not make them less as a person!)

Sexuality is born but Gender is a choice. Every human being are born straight, until they are not.

they call me joy

Just finished watching "Ligaya ang itawag mo sa akin" a motion picture by Carlos Siguion-Reyna and written by his wife Bibet Oteza. It mirrors the hypocrisy in the society. On how people commit sin, and practically enjoy while doing it. But then right after the act, they go on with their rituals - shamelessly hide their filthiness. I find the plot simple but the dialogues heavy and deep.

Can't wait for the next picture.

distance formula

Ang hirap ng malayo ang church. Gustong gusto kong magsimba pero hindi na kasya ang oras ko para sa mga dapat kong gawin. Hindi na din kaya ng katawan ko minsan. Ako ba ang lalapit sa church o yung church ang ilalapit ko? Pag pinili ko yung una, malayo nanaman ako sa pamilya ko. Malungkot yun! Pag yung pangalawa naman, ayoko nun! Mapapalitan pa yung mga babies ko, eh mahal ko yung mga yun!

buhay

Minsan may mga pagkakataon talagang magigising ka na lang tapos wala kang ibang maramdaman kundi pagod. Gusto mo na lang pumikit para wala kang maramdaman. Nakakatamad gumising. Nakaktamad huminga. Nakakatamad mabuhay. Ang dami mong kailangang gawin pero hindi mo magawa. Hindi mo maumpisahan. Nawawala at nauubusan ka ng dahilan para magpatuloy. Pero alam mong hindi ito dapat. Alam mong mas maraming magagandang dahilan para magpatuloy kaysa sumuko.Talunan lang ang sumusuko at kahit kailan walang sinuman ang gustong matawag na bigo. Hindi ako bigo. Hindi ako sawi. Minsan lang mas pinipili nating maging malungkot. Ang tumingin sa mga bagay na walang saysay kaysa ngumiti sa mga pangyayaring nagbibigay ligaya sa bawat sandali. Hindi dito natatapos ang lahat. Ang bawat nararamdaman ng tao ay lilipas din. Sa isang iglap maaring magbago ang lahat. Ngunit lagi mong tatandaan na mas totoo ang nararamdaman kaysa sa sinasabi ng utak mo na dapat. Kung hindi ka aamin at magpapakatotoo sa tunay na nararamdaman mo, daig mo pa ang sinungaling at walang binatbat! Ang bagay na hindi nakikita ay higit kailanman mas mahalaga kaysa sa mga bagay na dinidikta sayo ng paligid, ng sitwasyon, ng pagkakataon.